From the desk of Joshua Jodrey:

Attention Readers:

Due to the number of frantic and anxious emails I’ve received regarding my well-being in light of the incoming storm “Hanna”, I’ve decided to address the numerous fears laid out by my dear readers.  Hopefully this will assure you all of my complete and utter safety.

(Note: Because of the sheer volume of correspondence I’ve received on this topic, I will not be able to attend to each and every one.  However, I will strive to touch on as many issues as possible.)

Reader Email #1:

JOSH!!!  R U OK???  I C A STORM COMIN UR WAY!!  IMO, I THNK U SHUD GET OUT!! RUN!!...JK, LOL… JUST DON’T DIE, K?  LOL…WELL, I G2G, BUT I HOPE 2 C U SOON!!!

L8R,

BRITT <3

Concern(s) Expressed: Evacuation, Death

Britt,

You needn’t worry about my current location.  In a room encased by four brick walls, a tiled floor, and a ceiling that’s cracking and full of holes, I shall be perfectly safe.  Also, I have the underneath-ness of my bed to retreat to if need be.  There’s nothing like sleeping on tile with about 3 inches of headroom to keep one awake and alert through the night.

And as far as me dying goes, I have a plan in place to ensure that those close to me stay financially stable (Nathaniel, you get my lava lamp).

Reader Email #2

Mr. Jodrey,

It has come to my attention that your person may be in danger as a result of a westward moving tropical storm.  I fear that your rations and provisions may be lacking due to your college-student sized budget.  With that in mind, I am prepared to grant you with victuals sufficient to weather this storm.  Please respond posthaste with your current supply situation so that I may assist where needed.

Regards,

Chester Thomas Winslow III

Concern(s) Expressed:  Sufficient Sustenance

Chester,

While I appreciate your concern, I assure you that my food and beverage stash is ample enough to see my through this weekend.  The current contents of my fridge and pantry are:

¼ of a chocolate pie

3 cans of Cheerwine

3 cans of Rootbeer

12 fudge rounds

1 box of Cheerioes

1 box of Cheddar Bunnies

1 box of Cheezits

3 servings of Ramen Noodles

2 bags of popcorn

and some Wheat Thins I swiped from my suitemate

So, as you can see, despite just finishing off the last of the leftover pizza, I am in no need of anything in way of food or beverage.  Besides, there’s a convenience store just downstairs if I need to stock up on spam and filtered water.  Also, I have multiple fat layers that will serve as sustenance if the need for hibernation arises.

(I can hear the dissenting cries now…they’re thin fat layers, okay??)

Reader Email #3

Hey fellow chess player!

I play Kingpawn openings as white, and currently I’ve been responding to the Sicilian defense (c5) with 2.d4.  But I keep getting smashed by it, and it’s quite frustrating.  Are there any other options available to counter the Sicilian?

Thanks,

Jordan

Concern(s) Expressed: Lack of Success Playing  2.d4 Against the Sicilian

Jordan,

You bet you have other options!  I recommend going with 2.c3, the Alapin Variation.  This is what I play, and it avoids all the tactical nuances of the Open Sicilian.  It instead leads to a more closed position, and this is great for taking Sicilian players out of their element.  For getting started learning the 2.c3 variation, I suggest purchasing “Play the c3 Sicilian” by Eduardas Rozentalis & Andrew Harley.   From there, begin trying this move in your games, and watch your success rate improve!

Well readers, your numerous concerns are appreciated (for the multiple ladies who wrote in: yes I’m single, and no, I’m not looking for a relationship, now please don't cry), and I hope I have assuaged your fears somewhat.  In summary:

Yes, it will rain.  Yes, it will rain hard.  Yes, the wind will gust.  Yes, the wind will gust hard.  But I'll be alright, because I know the Weatherman.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a chocolate pie to finish off…