*Yawn*

I rolled over and snuggled further (Or is it farther?  My apathy disallows me from looking it up myself, so if some grammar guru could get back with me on that, I’d appreciate it) under the covers.  The stillness and tranquility of nighttime (broken only by the occasional mumble from my roommate below me) combined with the two inches of Temperpedic foam beneath me was slowly lulling me into a state of blissful unconsciousness.  I sought to empty my mind of the distractions of yesterday, today, and tomorrowday (Yes, I appended “day” on the end of tomorrow.  I strongly dislike the discontinuity that the lack of “day” presents.  If yesterday and today get a “day” at the end of their word, I think tomorrow should too.  Therefore I will now refer to the day after today as “tomorrowday”).

So there I was, mere picoseconds away from an eight hour hibernation (because I’m sure my Mom will read this through my sister’s account, allow me to clarify that I went to bed at 11:30pm, and yes, I had brushed my teeth, and yes, I’d  taken my Juice Plus).  When all of a sudden,

*clank-clank*  *rattle-rattle-rattle*

I was greeted with all manner of metal related noises.  Somewhat perturbed at being snatched from the periphery of slumber, I glanced over the edge of our bunk-bed attempting to locate the misbehaving machine miscreant.  Aha, it appeared that the AC unit bordering my roommate’s bunk was making the racket.  It had been quiet just a few seconds earlier, merely emitting a soft and comforting hum, but maybe that was its gameplan…attempt to lull me into a false sense of sleepy security, and then, BAM, make noise.  While my roommate appeared to be oblivious and immune to the AC unit’s diabolical plot (aka, he was sleeping like a rock), I for one was not going to stand for it.

My plan was simple: Find the electrical outlet it was using, trace that line back to the powergrid, track that back to the power company supplying the electricity, send in a crack squad of covert ops troops, have them plant C4 at each of the company’s power stations, detonate the explosives, and VOILA!  The AC unit shuts off!

It’s foolproof… (If you imagined Gill from “Finding Nemo” when you read that, you win)

Hmm…hang on…I think I might have spied some drawbacks to this plan.  Despite the coolness of the plan, I think it would mean I would lose power to the Xbox and TV as well.  We can’t have that!  There must be a better way…

After several minutes of intense mental deliberation, I hit upon a new brilliant plan.  Lift up the cover on the top of the AC unit and slide the tab from “ON” to “OFF”.  Simple?  Yes.  Effective?  Yes.  Complex, cool, and awesome because it involves covert operations and explosives?  No.

But it would have to do, as every minute I was losing another 60 billion nanoseconds of sleep!!  So with my new shutdown scheme in mind, I again leaned over the edge of the top bunk and reached down towards the AC unit.

Hmm, my simple plan seems to have hit a slight snag…  It seems that my roommate’s hand is resting directly on top of the panel that houses the ON/OFF button.  I now am faced with an ethical dilemma.

Do I...

A)  Attempt to gently move his hand and hope he doesn’t wake up with me leaning over the bed and holding his hand

B)  Use my mind control powers to force him to roll over

C)  Whisper “Scott, hey Scott” until he wakes up, and then explain my dilemma

D) Devise and construct a Rube Goldberg machine that will move his hand, lift the panel, and slide the button to “OFF”

In the end, I didn’t have to choose any of these options.  Which is good, because each choice had its flaws.

Option A) had too much potential for extreme awkwardness…I would have had a lot of explaining to do…

Option B) was impossible because I didn’t have sufficient mana for my mind control spell.

Option C) was possible, but I decided not to out of respect for my roommate’s 8 o’clock class the next morning

Option D) would have uber awesome, but my building materials were rather limited.  I’m not sure what I could have put together with a few dirty socks, a plastic bag, a box of Cheddar bunnies, and about a dozen empty Cheerwine cans.

What ended up happening was much less dramatic.  My roommate mumbled and readjusted his sleeping position, thus freeing up the all important panel.  I then proceeded to reach down, turn the AC unit off, and sleep until morning.

Now I know if you had asked anyone else to relate this experience, their answer would have been something normal, like, "Last night the air-conditioner was making noise, so I reached over and turned it off."  But since I strive to avoid normalcy at all costs, I wrote a blog post about it.  Aren't y'all lucky...

Btw, I know this is my second post in a week, but after my long absence, I figured I owed it to you guys.  This post is an attempt to satiate your hunger and desire for more of my unique and quirky writings.

Don’t expect this to be a regular thing though.  There’s no way I’m writing another one tomorrowday.  You’ll just have to wait…